Dirty Old Prom Queen

In '98 I was the prom queen and in '06 I hang out with queens. I'm a private tutor during the day and a comedian at night in ol' NYC. I just can't seem to get out of high school...can someone call the custodian? Vesuvio, I'm locked in!

Friday, March 30, 2007

Look you, Look at this Look Book

Gawker's Looking at the Lookbook column let me participate along with Greg Johnson and Charles Star. Get ready for one nutty biddy.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The ONN is UP!

Hi all!! The reason I have not written very frequently in the last few months is that I am writing for the Onion Web Video site. Please watch. It is hilarious. You will enjoy the fake news much better than the real news.

Condoleezza Rice To Voyage East

Immigration: The Human Cost

Friday, February 09, 2007

Fat -- a secret weapon

Someone told me that you can never get rid of fat cells, they just shrink.
Is this true?
Does that mean you have a set number?
Or can you make more fat cells but just not destroy them?
Does that mean that fat cells are indestructable?
Why aren't we making more stuff out of fat?

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Global Warming is kinda sexy

It's 60 degrees in New York today...and I'm not gonna lie...I have a little Spring fever. Just like these seals -->

The Daily Mail in the UK reported that seals are getting busier than ever because of the warmer temperatures. At least if the world burns up, it's gonna burn up sexy!

I would like all of my sensitive readers to know that I am not pro-global warming, I am just a "glass half full" kinda girl.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

When you just know...

Last night, I got into a cab with a cab driver who was clearly so intoxicated. What alarmed me the most, though, was not how he swerved from lane to lane regardless of whether or not another car was next to him. Not how he giggled and snorted so loudly on his cell phone headset. Not how he almost ran over a pedestrian, who then chased us a block. What surprised me the most is that I was too lazy to get out of the cab and get another one. I honestly am not even sure if I buckled up. He might've even fallen asleep on the stretch from Union Square to SoHo, I had no idea. I just sipped on my Fanta and yawned like a baby lamb and I also gave him a sizable tip even though my eyes watered from his gin-soaked "Have nice night, lady." I apparently can't be bothered to save my own life.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

My Costume Choice

A yuge ball of fat. Get ready.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Good Luck on Halloween Costumes, guys!

Hey everyone! Good luck on coming up with a really good costume this year. Here's to finding an outfit that's relevant but not cliche; hip but not pretentious; scary but not disgusting. Ladies, I sincerely hope that you find something that shows off your figure, while not making you seem like a trailer park whore. And gents, let's do something masculine, but also HILARIOUS, so that everyone can say, "Oh that Steve is so fucking awesome!" But hey, let's not forget to make sure that our costumes fulfill these necessary components:

1) That they keep us warm on this chilly holiday. This is a big problem for the sluts.
2) That they are machine washable.
3) That they don't hinder us from making out with another drunken person in costume.
4) That there is a way to go to the bathroom
5) That they don't offend minorities.

Love you all. Happy Halloween!!!